It’s that time of the month when all dead couches end up on the curb. How did they get there? What will happen to them? Better yet, where do they go? I know in more than one instance a couple drags the couch to the curb to take to the other person’s apartment, probably because they split up, probably because of the stupid ugly couch, and then once the stupid ugly couch is on the curb and all it’s ugly sctratches, lumps, stains and sags are seen in broad daylight the sad couch is abandoned and left there on the curb to die, like the relationship.
I have four couches in my apartment and just ordered a daybed. That’s right, I will have five couches. Two mid century day beds (one white, one blue) one two-piece bright pink sectional, all naugahyde. Why? Because I have a problem, a mid century addition. It started small with nesting tables, lamps and 1960’s barware. Now I have a bar, shitloads of lamps, and yes, four couches. I have a one bedroom 750 square foot apartment and I live upstairs. Don’t worry, most mid-century furniture has removable peg legs and two of the daybeds are stored upright in the closet at the moment. Still, that is too many couches. Even I admit it.
The new daybed will have a pull up trundle to convert it to a double bed (in case I am ever in a relationship again, ha!) and will not be naugahyde. I bought this daybed (totally different than the mid-century modern daybeds, an actual BED daybed) and sold my queen-size regular bed to move out of the bedroom and turn it into my art studio. Do I sound crazy? Can you follow this? I am a little cray. The obsession manifests itself in a healthy(?) way with my furniture, um, collections.
One OTHER couch was five pieces and three of those were sold when I bought the white mid-century modern naugahyde daybed to go with my two-piece pink sectional. The five piece (sans two end pieces) sold for 200 but will be reupolstereed and sold for 2000, maybe 2500 even. (Damn I wish I could reupolster. I wish I could spell reupolster.)
One time I did reupolster the two-piece pink sectional with a bolt of awesome spanish style mid-century fabric in bold orange, pink and black (see photo.) I basically staple gunned it to the couch. It looked great but wasn’t great once sat upon. That’s when Babaloo decided this was HIS couch. It is now back to being pink. A friend came over to buy it but Babaloo made sure that sale would not go through, and it didn’t.
That fabric is off now and it’s covered with pink blankets because those seat cushions are just so bad. I painted over them then started peeling the paint. It’s just a sad sight. Which leads me to this: what to do with the pink naugahyde couch?
I looked into reupolstering it orange. One place nearby quoted me 800 then a year later that price went up to 1300. Such is the price of procrastination. I looked into verikote paint, which is 200 a gallon used on car upholstery. (Damn there’s that word again.) The problem with this is I would have to clean all the peeling shiny stuff off for it to work.
I could cover it in colorful gaffers tape. I considered actually weaving gaffers tape into a plaid pattern on it. Now that IS crazy. All that sticky tape sounds like a real nightmare! Or I could graffiti it. I think graffiti is the way to go, because clearly no one is buying this sad once amazing specimen off etsy or craigslist.
I think Babaloo has a spell on this couch (or maybe Gremlin the other cat) and won’t let it go. Since it is naugahyde he can’t scratch it and if he pees on it that will do no good – the pee would just slide off. But he put a spell on it somehow and I need to satisfy both our needs. It’s time to graffiti it. Yes.
I could graffiti some clear vinyl and staple that over the couch, or I could get some friends to help me take it downstairs to paint it, and warn the neighbors a spray painting party is happening. I could have a rad couch like one of these! What do you think?